Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
