I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
