you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
