12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
