When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
sex in a hospital.. check
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
