please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
