and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
