Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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