If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
