allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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