dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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