Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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