it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
