She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
