can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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