I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
