So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize