Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
