I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
