Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
