Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
