Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
