FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
