Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
