Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
