so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
