Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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