He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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