He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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