My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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