I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
