no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
