Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
