there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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