I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it glows. i had to have it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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