WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
