hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
