I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
