We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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