yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
