i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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