the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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