My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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