I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would ride that face into the sunset
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
