the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
