the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
