Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize