You can't special order awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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