You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
