i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
