only if we run a train.
done.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
