and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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