found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize