he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
