her vagine was all disorganized.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
