She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
