After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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