I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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