I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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