WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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