Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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