ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i will never coherently bang her
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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