i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
