lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
