From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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