the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
