just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
