Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
