I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
