Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
