i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
