Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
